Chez PandA

Change

2012-02-10T13:16:00.000+01:00

How much can you change and still stay true to yourself?

And if people like/love you for whom you are will they still do if you change?

I am changing, and I like where his change is taking me. I am being more me I guess, I am doing the stuff I always thought I should be doing and I am enjoying dong it. But I have to say a part of me is keeping me back, and somehow I think it has to do with those questions popping in my head.

I have never been much of a social person, you can even say I am actually a social awkward person. But friends do mean a lot to me and I don't want to loose them. And as much as I like where this changes are taking me I'd hate it to loose friendships on the way.

I know, I know if I do loose them it means they were never really my friends... but hey! that is even more scary, I don't want to relise all off a sudden that I have always actually been friend less.

Food for thought I guess...

Welcoming me back

2012-02-08T12:48:00.001+01:00

Here I am again.... well I didn't go anywhere, I just stopped blogging here for a while.

As you might have followed I was going through depression, then with Drs help and friend's and family here I am again. I am sort of taking off from where I left before my second month of pregnancy with Ludo. Except that now I have a wonderful and happy little toddler, and a growing smart princess, instead of just a toddler, I have a more fulfilling relationship with my better half and I go to therapy once a week... well I guess I am not where I left off but in a different but really nice path.

I have been blogging in private for the last few weeks. Part of me feeling better is thanks to TAT (which my therapist made me discover) and I keep track of it in private blog. But lately my blogs have been more of the kind that have more to do with me and family than just TAT, so... I though I just better come back to this blog :-).

So here I am again, posting about my crazy life and its ups and downs... if you follow me, enjoy the ride :-).

Base camp

2011-11-26T08:29:00.000+01:00

At the moment I am going though a rough path. I suffer from depression which is being treated, as part of treatment I see a psychologist and last session some difficult issues came up leaving me quite fragile and in need of a hug. But problem was that I didn't know where to go.

This made me relise my lack and need of a community. And I wonder, how many people feel that way?

All of a sudden I had a "dream", a base camp where I could find friendship and support. A structure where I could meet people all wishing to make their lives and their family lives more meaningful with the insight of others.

I dream of a group of people with mixed believes, and cultures, of different age groups: catholics, agnostics, jews, muslims, families, couples, youngsters, students... all getting together once or twice a month around some food and drinks.

The youngsters and adults could exchange echoes of suggested philosophical and religious readings, without judgement, just being able to share what they meant to them without trying to convert or convince, just for the sake of sharing.

Kids could play and grow under the watchful care of this community.

And everyone could come out with projects and find support. ( A camping trip, a photo show, a conference, a fund raise...)

And if someone was going trough a rough path they would know there are people they can go to look for a hug.

Just a dream, but maybe some other people share the same dream and can help me make it a reality... or just tell me where to find such a place.

Two little toddler sleeping in my bed...

2011-04-14T12:34:00.001+02:00

Today the whole family woke up in the same bed at 6 am ... well Johanna finished waking me up, Patrick kept on sleeping and Ludo finally fell asleep after 2 and a half hours of playing around.

Ludovic is doing a lot better, no more fever, no more puffy eyes, almost no cough and most of the rash is gone now. He is supposed to be tired, but somehow he is not. Him and Johanna have been playing together a lot for the last two days, they also fight a bit but mostly they enjoy each other's company.

As usual, if I keep them busy the day goes on faster and smoother. So for the last few days we have been doing "special activities"which on top of keeping them bussy and happy are encouraging Johanna to eat better, take naps, go to bed with no fuss and do a bit of tidying up (special activities take place after naps or tidying up ;-) ) I don't think this bravery will last long, but I will enjoy it as long as I can.

Want to see what we have been up to? I have started a new blog with that in case other parents might be interested on joining the fun! a lot of the activities range for children 1 - teenagers with some adaptation. All of them are suitable for a 2.5 yro and most of them can be joined by a 1yro tot. :-)

If you happen to want to take a look or share it with someone you know might be interested:

http://busytots.blogspot.com/

Today's special activity

Sarampion, Rougeole, Measles

2011-04-11T14:23:00.002+02:00

Both our GP and pediatrician hadn't seen a case of Measles for over 20 years, but of course Ludovic, being Ludovic had to somehow manage to catch it.

Looking back, my guess is that it started last Sunday:

Day 1 (Sunday the 3rd of April): He was very sleepy, slept on our way to a second-hand sale plus an unusually long 4 nap hours after it. He had a slight fever at night. We didn't think much of it as he was recovering from Bronchiolitis.

Day 2 (M 04/04): he still had a small fever, we went to the physiotherapist for his bronchiolitis, she said he was better, he was again very tired that afternoon but I guessed it was due to all the crying he did at physio. Had a 38.5C fever

Day 4 (T 05/04): Woke up with a slight fever (38) so I decided to keep him home. As the day went on he seemed to be feeling better. But I was feeling quite ill myself.

Day 5 (W 06/04): woke up without fever, as I was't feeling great myself and he seemed to be all right I sent him to daycare. After daycare he had a bit of a fever again, wich calmed with some paracetamol. Seen the day was lovely we went out to the playground. He was in a great mood and didn't want to go back home.

Day 6 (Th 07/04): Patrick brought him in our bed at 2 am... that was the first bad sign, as usually taking him in our bed is his last resort. He had 40C fever! we gave him some medicine, he seemed to be hurting and couldn''t sleep, after an hour fever wouldn't go down, so in he went to the bathtub.

We managed to get fever down to 39C. He finally fell asleep again at 5 am. by 7 am his fever was back at above 40C. We called the pediatrician, who put him in waiting list, we also called our GP who gave us a 6pm rdv.

By noon, and despite the medication fever was still above 40, no news from the pediatrician, our GP suggested to go to the pediatric gard at the hospital.

In the meantime the pediatrician called giving us a 6pm rdv... we decided to go the the gard. At the hospital they had him checked and could only tell us it was not bacteriological and sent us home. we saw a small rash on his back. Johanna was off school due to some teacher training, wich didn't make things easier.

Day 7 (F 08/04): We decided Ludo would be sleeping in the big bed with me and Patrick would be sleeping in the guest room for the meantime.That way at least one of us would get some sleep and Ludo wouldn't wake up his sister.

We had a very rough night. Fever on average over 39 and a lot of kicking and pouching me on the head.

By the time he woke up the rash became impressive and was covering his back and head, and spreading on his face and tummy. He was grumpy and tired, would't drink nor eat, and had diarrhea.

After a few calls between the pediatrician, the GP and wondering if we should go back to the hospital our pediatrician took us in between two other appointments. She was quite chocked just by seeing Ludovic, whom she knows very cheerful, but now he was just sleepy, grumpy and ... miserable.

After having him checked she said he had all the signs of measles, except for the order in which the rash appeared, so after prescribing every possible medicine that could make him feel better she called a laboratory to ask for an emergency test on Ludo for confirmation. She also asked for the little guy to be kept at home for two weeks, as once the rash gone, and no longer contagious his inmune system will remain quite damaged for a few days.

That day Johanna was off school again, in part due a cold she was just starting and also because of a strike (and lack of supervision at school that implied) . Patrick had taken off the afternoon to take care of her, and when we got back he took Ludo to the hospital for the lab test.

Finally when they came back Ludo accepted to drink a bit of milk, not much, but at least something.

Day 8 (S 09/04): Ludo had the worst night ever, again high fever, and he was really in pain.

He also spent most of the day sleeping and complaining, his body was now covered with rash. He couldn't keep awake for more than a few minutes at a time and didn't drink or eat much (just enough for me not to hurry him to the hospital).

We alternated paracetamol with ibuprofen every 3 hours, he had some drops for his puffy eyes and drops for his nose. As well as some anti-fungal medicine for his mouth. To keep the cough to a minimum some eucalyptus suppository and eucalyptus steam in the room.

Day 9 (D 10/04): Slept a bit better, fever was lower, his body was completely covered with rash, and he kept awake and happy a bit longer. Still a bit cranky and not eating much, but on the right track

Day 10 (M 11/04): Had a "good" night, needed some help to keep asleep and woke up once, but that is a huge improvement, maybe only one or two more night with me and then he will go back to his bed.

So far he has had a good day, all morning in a good mood and just a little nap, he has been sleeping now for 2 hours and is starting a fever. He is getting better and we are happy for it.

We were supposed to get the lab results today, we called and they didn't give them to us, saying that measles are detected on clinical examination and that the results are just for statistics. :-/ Unfortunately our pediatrician is on holidays now, so not much can be done.

He is better, and that is good but not having confirmation and as he has 99% of Measles symptoms we are just assuming that is what he has.

Johanna is on holidays, bad timing for measles. Ludovic can't be in contact with other children for almost all of the holiday period, and in consequence Johanna will also be staying at home :-( and for a few more days I can't even give her the attention she deserves. Hopefully Ludo will be better in a couple of days and I will find ideas to keep things fun for both of them.

So, what does our froggy do when she is not with us?

2011-04-01T09:35:00.001+02:00

Yesterday we had our first parent - teacher meeting.

We learned about it last week, we got a note from the school telling us that Johanna's teacher wanted to see us. My fist thought was... What did she do now? As much as I love our little princess I know she can sometimes get into trouble and actually enjoys it.

Usually after a long silence at home:
Me: Johanna que estas haciendo?
Joy: (with a huge smile) TRAVESURAS

Patrick took the day off, and we asked for Ludo to stay longer than usual at daycare. We had asked for an early meeting, thinking that that way we would avoid being too late. But of course things don't always go as planned and we had a 45 min wait! But it was worth it.

We learned that Johanna is doing great at school: she is good with paying attention and concentrating, plays well with other children, interacts with most adults she has contact with, follows instructions in and out of the classroom, does not use force to solve conflicts, asks for help when needed, and she will clearly show her enthusiasm (or lack of it).

We really are proud of our little froggy!!!

I am really relived to see that our choice to let Johanna join school at such an early age was a good one.

After giving us her "report" the teacher showed us all the different activities they do in class. I was very impressed, and very happy to learn that she pays attention to challenge children giving them a wide range of difficulty according to their individual development.

The meeting was also a good reminder of how much work teachers have to put during and out of school hours!

Up to yesterday I hadn't made up my mind about Joy's teacher. From the little contact I have had with her she seemed to me a bit too rough for my liking, but Johanna liked her and she did seem to be quite caring with the children.

Today I have to say that I see her with new eyes, I really appreciate how passionate she is about her job and how much effort and care she puts into it. She might not be the stereotypical kind and sweet preschool teacher, but she is a very good one. I just hope I will remember this next time I don't like the tone she uses with me.

Maybe one day I will find a stress-less morning in which I will be able to think about taking a picture of Johanna ready for school. But as I don't think that will happen in a near future, in the meantime here are a couple of pictures of Joy and Ludo enjoying some of their favorite foods:

Is there anything better than ice-cream during holidays?

PandA's original creation: Ludo au Chocolat

Why don't they come with a compass?

2011-02-21T17:22:00.000+01:00

I truly think that as parents most of us want our children to be happy and do what at the moment we think is best for them in the short or long run.

In my case, I am more of the long run kind of parent. I want to give them good bases, hoping that it will pay in the future. But often I don't know if my education choices are the good ones.

When Johanna started preschool a few weeks ago, I made the decision to pick her up at noon so she could nap at home and school hours wouldn't be so long for her.

8 times out of 10 she would cry her heart out because she didn't want to go home, I didn't think much of it, but a couple of weeks ago Johanna's teacher told me she was not taking part on anything. I thought she just needed time and she agreed with me, but last Friday she told me there was no improvement.

First I went into panic mode thinking I most be a terrible mum and I surely had done something wrong , I wondered if this would mean she had a deeper problem. After calming down and doing some painful thinking I talked it over with Patrick and we decided to let her nap in school to see if it would make a difference.

Today it was the first time she napped more than a room away from me, but I picked up from school a very happy and proud little girl and I got the thumb up from a happy teacher.

Panic is over, and I don't think I am a terrible mum but sometimes is good to have a reminder of how each child is different and you can never write things on stone when it comes to raising children. It would be so much better if instead of those bags full of publicity they give out at the hospital when a child is born they could just give you a compass to tell you if your choices are helping get your children on the right path.

It is not always raining in Brussels

2011-02-17T23:54:00.000+01:00

Today was a nice sunny day in Brussels, no it is not a joke. The sun was out and it has been that way for a few days, and will continue at least until tomorrow.

With the sun out and no sick children we could go to the playground. Johanna had fun eating her snack on a bench, and later playing with her friends. Ludo was a bit scared at first, it is only the third time I let him off the buggy while outside.

We had a small ball with us, Johanna droped the ball by mistake and saw it slide from one side of the playground to the other... and after that she had great fun fetching the ball and experimenting making in roll from different places, kept her interested for over 20 minutes. It is amazing how curious children are and how much they learn just by playing. This time I did have my video camera with me.... but no battery.

Today was a good day, it was nice getting some fresh air and see the sun shine. And actually I don't mind that much not getting to film the children, there are some things that are just nice to enjoy up front.

Thanks God it's Wednesday!

2011-02-16T23:00:00.008+01:00

I just love Wednesdays: no stress in the morning routine. quality time with the children, and family lunch.

We wake up at the usual time, but for once I don't have to push everyone around to get moving.

The rest of the week Johanna has to be in school by 8:25, but on Wednesdays she skips school to go to La Guise (psychomotor education; a kind of gymnastics for young children) so we don't have to run after the clock and we can we can enjoy a calm, nice family breakfast to start the day.

One of Joy's little pleasures is to get to have breakfast with her pyjamas on, just like on weekends ("No quiero bañar, Johanna limpia, quiero comer con piyama")

Once our two boys out the door we have about an hour and a half to get going, so we take it easy and enjoy our time together.

Then of course there is La Guise. She has been attending since she was 9 months old and really enjoys it! For me it is a great excuse to clown around and play with her without all the tiding up that comes afterwards. (And I am lucky enough to start the week doing just the same with Ludovic).

At noon daddy picks Ludovic from daycare; as the walk would be too much for Johanna, and we all have family lunch together. (Just something fast and comforting that usually Johanna helps me cook.)

Being the middle of the week, both J and L really need their rest, yet, they are not overtired and wanting to fight naps, which means, I get the longest midday break of the week (over an hour today!). By the time they wakeup they are BOTH well rested an in an excellent mood, so afternoons actually go smooth until bed time :-).

Once the day is over I have really enjoyed my children and I have enough good moments to keep me going for two more days (when reinforcement arrives for the weekend) and help me run after everyone in the morning, calm tantrums, fight refusal for naps, try to handle over tired toddlers and a messy home.

I love being a full-time homemaker... but Wednesdays are great reminders of why I chose that path.

Johanna @ La Guse when she was 1 yro

Why so much anger?

2011-02-15T16:05:00.004+01:00

Today there was a public transportation strike in Brussels due to an aggression that occurred yesterday.

A lot of people understand the point of view of those calling the strike, but of course, a lot of people are upset with public transportation workers. It is quite possible that the upset group is also the group that is more likely to be violent except that now they think that their violence is legitimate.

All this to say that; as usual, anger leads to more anger, that leads to more anger.... and so on.

But why are we so angry? where does that anger come from?

When I pick up Johanna at school I hear some of the educators shout to the children a bit excessively and I often find it not being really necessary. (On the bright side I have seen the ones taking care of the preschool children being brilliant at not shouting and finding alternate solutions).

But what I find even more sad is that it also happens at home. I often find myself shouting at the children for something that is not really important. I loose my temper manly due to outside elements (lack of sleep, too much noise, running late...) and whatever Joy or Ludo do at that moment just happen to make me explode.

More often than not, it is just because I just can't stand them challenging my authority. I am the mum, I "know" what is "best" for them and they should just do as I say so.

Luckly I usually do opt for the use non violent education:

If I really think it can lead to something other than an argument, I reason with them.

If as often I actually think things don't need explaining I try to use no verbal communication to avoid shouting.

If I happen to realize Johanna is just looking for a fight to overcome other frustrations I try to give her something other to do than fight with me, or I just leave her alone to vent letting her know I am there for her if she needs me.

But I have to admit that at least eight times out of ten, I just loose my nerve.

Now the question is, how can I at home calm things down? how can I get my household away from the circle of anger? As I am sure that if we gave children an alternative to shouting and pushing we could help create a less angry society and a more secure and tolerant world.

Online shopping

2011-02-14T10:52:00.001+01:00

I have to admit it, I am addicted to online shopping. Going to shops is just not my thing, I have never liked it much and I don't think I ever will. Of course there are some things I just can't get my head to buying online, like fresh vegetables and fruit, and... I think that's it.

The only kind of shops I will go by myself willingly would be bookstores and toy-stores. And only if it is on a Thursday morning or any other time where there are no more than 2 or 3 costumers. I don't mind going to the baker or the butcher. The corner shop is ok too. But big shops and lots of people are real torture for me. If I do happen to go to a big shop it has to be one that I know very well. I need to know exactly what I am buying and where I can find it so I can go in and out as fast as possible.

Now that I think about it , there are two big shops I am ok with: Ikea and Makro, but I am not sure I would ever like going to either one by myself. And even when I am having Patrick around to reassure me I still get panic attacks.... guess it is all part of being agoraphobic.

Funny thing with my agoraphobia is that it disappears whenever I have to be responsible for something or someone. Like when I am out with the children, or I have to talk to a group. I just hope Joy and Ludovic wont inherit my social awkwardness.

Back to online shopping. Besides avoiding crowds or big scary shops there are other advantages to it:

I can do all my shopping in less than an hour while the children keep playing in the living room (and Ludovic pulls my hand away from the mouse so I stop using the computer.)

I spend a lot less money as I am less tempted to buy stuff I don't really need (like chocolate or ice cream), but of course 9 times out of 10 I forget something I actually needed, but that is just me, nothing to do about it being online.

I have everything delivered to my doorstep, and groceries actually delivered to the kitchen :-). And with frozen produce I know that they have kept most of their nutrients and freshness.

Here are some of my favorite sites for shopping:

Frozen food:

http://www.picard.fr

Groceries:

http:// www.caddyhome.be

books, toys and electronics:

http:// www.amazon.de or .fr or .co.uk (depending on price as there can be a significant difference from one to another and they all three deliver for free, and most of the time are actually cheaper than ebay)

second hand stuff:

http://www.ebay.be

basic clothing (for more special things I actually do go shopping):

http://www.laredoute.be

And the two shops I will actually go to without going all panicky:

http://www.filigranes.be

http://www.oliwoodtoys.com

Johanna's tresure

2011-02-11T11:40:00.000+01:00

Joy has grown a lot. She is a nice little girl, who jumps, runs, sings, fight with her brother, shares her toys with him and her friends, throws tantrums, plays mum with her dolls and stuffed animals and makes our day with her cuddles and kisses. She surprises us every day and although she can really get on our nerves some times, we can't stop being amazed at proud of her.

One thing that really amazes me is her great memory, I never thought souvenirs started so early in age. She remembers stuff from when she was 18 months! (she recently found a crochet bag, and told me "this bag is mine, mamá made in hospital for my beanbags")

Also, at the beginning of fall (about 5 months ago) her friend Dylan gave her some chestnuts she put in the pocket of her coat. Every time she would put the coat on she would check if the chestnuts were there and tell us it was a present from Dylan. About a week ago we took them out to wash the coat. I thought about throwing them away, but a few hours later she was looking for them to put away with her toys. This is her first treasure. I am thinking about making a treasure box with her so she can keep such things. In the meantime here is a picture of them:

"Los marrones que me dio Dylan"

Where is my video camera when I need it?

2011-02-10T11:15:00.002+01:00

Joy and Ludo have a cold, they coughed all night, so they stayed home for the day. But they are in a very good mood despite the runny noses and slight fever. Lately they have been playing together a lot, and are building a really nice relationship. The consequence of that is of course that when one gets sick the other does too, as they like sharing almost everything and most of all drinks and food. But actually I rather have them sick together than stop them from sharing.

Today I also arrived to the conclusion that there is not such thing as a "typical" week with two toddlers at home. Now that they are in school and day care, the idea is that I would have three mornings a week for myself in which I could do a bit more house work and get a rest... so far I haven't had more than 2 such days a week, and now I am actually thinking that such "typical" week will be more of an exception than a rule. At least for the next few months.

So back to the video camera. Today Ludovic was playing with a firetruck and actually playing with it all over the living room :-). As soon as I find my video camera, I will try to see if he wants to do it again. But here is a video of him playing in the same way with a lid.

This is the way our life goes

2011-02-09T09:49:00.003+01:00

So here is one more attempt at keeping a blog. Hopefully this time I will be successful at updating it often ;-).

Today, like every Wednesday, Ludovic went to daycare while Johanna missed school to go to "la guise " (gymnastics ). She really enjoys it, and it makes Wednesdays quite relaxed, we are less in a hurry for the school run and can take our time at starting the day.

I like having a morning just for the two of us. I do the same on Mondays with Ludovic.

Once Patrick was off today with Ludovic, Johanna and I cooked lunch. She loves helping in the kitchen, and one of her favorite dishes to help with is quiche. Here is the recipe of today's lunch, maybe you can wait to try it until I tell you if it turned out to be good or not ;-)

Johanna helps beating the eggs and making the holes, and she is really proud to tell us later all the ingredients she used to cook :-).

Takes about 10 min to make + 45 minutes to bake

Zucchini and chorizo quiche:

1 package of puff pastry
4 eggs
20 cl of cream
1/2 a package of boursin ail et fines herbs (soft cream cheese with garlic and herbs)
a few thin slices of chorizo (enough to cover the plate)
Enough zucchini slices to cover the plate

Mix the eggs and the cream, add the boursin and the chorizo in small pieces,

put the pastry in a pie plate, make a few holes with the help of a fork on it, lay the zucchini on it.

Pour the mix on the zucchini, make sure the bursin and the chorizo are evenly scattered on the plate.

Put in the oven for 45min at 180 C

Now I just cross my fingers so the hole family will enjoy it. (Edit: It actually tastes quite good and Johanna said "delicioso mamá!)

Finally here is a video I stole froma friend on facebook, really made me laugh: